Should We Do a First Look? A Wedding Photographer’s Honest Take

With a few reasons you may not have heard before!

If you’re deep in wedding planning, you’ve probably come across the question, should we do a first look? It’s one of the biggest timeline decisions you’ll make. As your wedding photographer, I care way less about tradition or what anyone else tells you to do, and more about what makes you feel joyful and present on your wedding day.

Becca & Jacob’s emotional first look at The Market at Grelen, Somerset , Virginia

You've likely already heard some of the usual pros and cons. So let’s talk about those, but also peel back a few layers and get to the heart of it! Because at the end of the day, this is about you and your partner, making vows to each other and beginning forever surrounded by your friends and family. I want you to have a the kind of wedding day that feels like your BEST day! Centered around the most important parts of the day, fully present, and full of joy and connection with loved ones.

So, What Is a First Look?

It’s a moment you set aside before the ceremony to see each other for the first time—usually just the two of you (and me, tucked away in the background). Some couples exchange private vows or letters, some just laugh and cry, some wrap each other up in the hug they’ve been waiting all morning for.

It changes the flow of the day. But more than that—it changes the feeling of the day.

Ansleigh & Tanner’s first look under the Oak Trees at Dunes West Golf Club, Charleston, South Carolina

The Classic Pros (And Why They Might Matter More Than You Think)

– You get to enjoy your cocktail hour

This isn’t just about having a drink and a crab cake—although yes, please do that. It’s about being with your people. The people who traveled for you. Who raised you, stood by you, cheered for you. Being able to mingle, hug, and soak it all in together is such a gift. This is one of the ONLY times of your wedding day when you get to just mingle, drink in one hand, his in the other. No distractions, no loud music, sun still shining. The photos from this part of the day bring so much life to a wedding gallery, and are far too often missed.

– It calms the nerves.

There’s something incredibly grounding about seeing your person before all eyes are on you. It’s a reminder that no matter what happens, you’re in this together. I’ve seen even the most anxious grooms exhale for the first time all day the moment they turn around.

– It creates space for intentionality.

A first look is a chance to slow down. You get to have a moment just for the two of you before the whirlwind begins. Want to read vows privately? Exchange letters? Just sit together on a comfy couch and be? This is your moment.

Savanah & Colby’s bridal suite first touch at Cow Beach, Thomasville, Georgia

Some Not-So-Common Reasons to Consider a First Look

Here’s where we go beyond the typical bullet points. These are things I’ve learned not just from being a photographer, but from watching stories unfold, from seeing what couples remember most after the fact, and from knowing how deeply meaningful your relationships are.

1. You get to exist in your wedding day, not just react to it.

When the day starts with a ceremony, it can feel like you’re playing catch-up with your emotions. A first look shifts that. It lets you step into the day emotionally and mentally present, rather than waiting for the ceremony to unlock that connection.

2. You remember the little things more.

In the quiet space of a first look, it’s easier to notice the small things: the way they fiddle with their sleeve, the inside joke they whisper, the way your hand fits into theirs. These details often get lost in the adrenaline of the aisle, but in a first look—they become their own kind of memory.

3. You create two memory-filled moments.

Contrary to popular belief, a first look doesn’t “take away” from the aisle moment. It creates a second emotional beat. The first is intimate, grounding, yours. The second is filled with everyone you love and the beautiful weight of commitment. Two distinct moments—each with their own kind of magic.

4. You honor your people in a deeper way.

First looks aren’t just for couples. I’ve photographed some incredibly moving parent first looks—moms who raised you, dads who remember the day you were born, grandparents who always hoped they'd get to see this day, and now they are. Giving them that time and space is something you’ll never regret.

Thienson’s first look with her dad in the chapel at White Oak Manor, Dinwiddie, Virginia

If you're still torn, you don’t have to go all in. There are so many ways to carve out intention without doing a full first look.

– First look in your robe (or PJs!) just to read vows.

Stripping away the formalities makes the moment feel cozy and raw. You can still save the dress surprise for the ceremony, but sneak in those private vows or a little gift exchange early.

– A First Touch

Stand back to back, hold hands around a corner, or sit on opposite sides of a door to exchange words or letters without seeing each other. Intimate and emotional without breaking tradition.

– Save something special for the aisle.

Wearing a veil, changing your hairstyle, or even switching jewelry can preserve that surprise moment. It’s amazing how even a small reveal can pack a huge emotional punch when paired with ceremony anticipation.

– First look with your besties.

Your wedding party or siblings can have incredibly emotional reactions. These are the people who’ve seen you through all the seasons—letting them into that moment can be powerful.

Thienson’s surprise first look with her girls at White Oak Manor, Dinwiddie, Virginia

The Cons to a First Look (Because You Deserve the Whole Picture!)

– An earlier start to the day.

Your timeline will shift earlier. That means hair and makeup needs to start sooner, which can feel a little rushed if you have 8 bridesmaids—especially if you're someone who prefers slow mornings.

– Less of a build-up to the ceremony.

Some couples love that anticipation of seeing each other for the first time at the altar. If that moment has always felt sacred to you, it’s totally okay to protect it, and you should unapolagetically.

– It’s not always practical.

Weather, lighting, logistics—sometimes a first look isn’t the most realistic option depending on your venue or timeline. And that’s okay too. You don’t have to force it for the sake of photos.

So… Should You Do a First Look?

Here’s the honest truth: the best wedding photos come from moments that feel like you. If a first look feels like a calm exhale, a private pocket of connection, a chance to be in it together from the start—do it. If it feels like it would steal something precious from the aisle, don’t.

Whatever you choose, it is important to me help you shape a timeline that honors your relationships, supports your emotions, and protects the heart of your story. That is what matters.

Molly is a Virginia Wedding & Family Photographer specializing in heartfelt, documentary imagery that honors your story.

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